I have a tool to suggest. I call it the “Complete Yes.” And you can use this as a filter with everything you do in your life and work. So if it’s not a “complete yes”, it’s a NO. When we tell ourselves the truth about what isn’t a complete yes, decision-making about your commitments becomes very easy.
A complete yes has no story behind it. No intellectualizing. No guilt . No agony. No inner rumblings. No yeah, buts. No doing it to please others. No doing it to look good or be liked. No inner critic tapping on our shoulder. It’s just YES. Period. And if it’s not that, completely, it’s a NO.
And the easiest way to say no is with the fewest number of words. As soon as you start talking too much, those who request things of us start finding holes in our story. A professional, polite no sounds something like this:
“Thank you so much for the offer/opportunity/thinking of me, but I already have a commitment so I’m going to say no.” That’s it. It does the job. Is friendly. Respectful. And, what commitment do you have? To YOURSELF. To what reeeally matters in your life. And you don’t need to get into this with anyone.
More people will respect you just from the energy you bring to this. They may not fully get why, but they will “feel” it from you. You will be doing more of what you really want. And your integrity will be fully intact without the need to run around cleaning up stories that aren’t entirely true. Therefore, no guilt. No cobwebs. No regret. Just the truth from your authentic self. Now that is what I call “standing firmly in your own shoes.” And as they say, Rock On!
Thanks Barb – GREAT advice (as always!!!)
Such a great article. And a great reminder. Thank you
Thanks Jenn and JB! So glad to hear this article resonated with you so much. Honestly, this is one that I think can even be re-read every month as a reminder to take responsibility for getting our needs met, with grace and style, as I like to say.